Had something happen last night that made me think about the miracle of marriage. How in the world do two people find each other? How do they find anyone they can tolerate living with for forever? I had a friend ask me that once. She had gone through several marriages and couldn’t figure out what her parents saw in each other that would ever make them want to stay together. I didn’t have an answer based in logic, so she decided it was impossible. Yet we see it happen every day.
In a world that is more and more centered on personal fulfillment, avoiding discomfort, instant gratification and career success, I don’t know how anyone finds a mate. The answer to me is that it is a miracle. How people stay together is through hard, hard work, and trust in God – and finding a really good person in the first place who will do the work and trust as well. That part is simpler for me to understand.
Advice for anyone who is currently looking – my husband had quite the system to take the guess work out of the finding a mate. Socialize anywhere and everywhere you can (face to face), ask someone out every weekend, and after the second date pray about it. If the answer isn’t a resounding YES, then start with the next girl. He went through a lot of girls. However, he had the faith that his efforts would pay off, and one day he dated his very best friend in the whole world, prayed about it, got a YES, YES, YES answer, and the rest is history. It worked for him. Moral, there are things we can do to make miracles happen. And some of them involve hard, hard work.
I, on the other hand, knew there was no one out there that I wanted to spend forever with. If there was such a person I knew the odds of finding him were against me. I planned to be proactive about it at some point, and make a very logical, educated choice. I actually planned to ask a guy. It would be easier on my self esteem that way, even if I had a few rejections. The thought of never being asked by anyone I liked was considered a probability. I guess at that age I had not yet learned of the miracles of God, and that they happen to everyone, every day. Finding my soul mate at age 19 was not anything I expected or planned for, and being married at 20 was a shock. BTW, I have never questioned my ability to make a marriage decision at that “young” age. It was the right thing to do, relying on God’s answers. If I had waited until I was more “mature” I think I would have married for reasons that would have made me more comfortable economically, but not any happier. I think I learned some lessons the hard way, but they were lessons that some people never really learn. Anyway, that’s my experience.
Now that it is the season for my children to begin considering finding someone, it should be very interesting to watch from the other side.
- (T)Ruth about marriage (lifegiving1.wordpress.com)
- ode to my husband (animalcrackersonthecouch.wordpress.com)