Tag Archive | Marriage

Beating the Odds – Follow Up

Here is a story about a family that beat the odds, a true miracle.

 

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Beating the Odds

Sometimes beating the odds is simply a matter of chance.  Roll the dice enough times, win the lottery, whatever.  More often than not, I think Divine Intervention and personal effort can affect outcomes.  Today I want to recognize all the couples who beat the odds by remaining married through:

  • chronic illness or pain
  • a child with a chronic illness
  • the loss of a child
  • mental illness
  • financial changes or bankruptcy
  • different cultural backgrounds
  • alcoholism or substance abuse

These stresses, and others, decrease the odds of a successful marriage, so if you have experienced any of these roadblocks and find that both partners have worked through things sufficiently that you are happily married to any degree, count it as a miracle.

Second Chances

Second chances are kind of special things.  I have a friend who lives the next town over who has been divorced for a while now, and I simply do not know how she does it.  She works and has four kids.  Two of the four are angels, but the other two are, well, hmm, I think “brats” is the nicest way I can think of to put it.  She struggles all the time and is constantly at her wits end.  Yes, they are that bad.

I just found out that she got engaged over the holidays.  I can’t even fathom how she had time to meet anyone, but I am glad she did.  I can’t imagine what type of a person is willing to take on the challenge of rebuilding that home.  Wow.  All I can say is wow.

I can’t think of a word better than “miracle” to describe what a father and husband will do for that home.  The hand of the Lord is most definitely at work here.  I wish them the best.

Anniversary

Yesterday was our 21st wedding anniversary.  I think I need to acknowledge that anyone staying together these days counts as a miracle in my book.  I know it has not been easy for us, and I doubt it is supposed to be easy.  Worth it, yes – easy, no.  Go do something really exceptionally unexpected and thoughtful for someone you love today.  It’s simple, but important.

Stamina, and Personal Confessions

Background:  The last few years, when my husband was very sick, the thing he lacked the most was stamina.  I remember one family trip he drove for about 30 minutes, then collapsed into a useless heap, asking me to finish the trip myself, and care for all of the children and all of the activities as well.  The doctors ran test after test, and saw no reason for the extreme fatigue, constant pain, and lack of stamina.  He had trouble finishing anything he started.  He became unemployed and unemployable.  Their conclusion was that it was mental.  They ran mental health tests, and concluded he was inventing fictitious health reasons to not want to work, or do anything.  Marriage counselors all concluded that the situation was hopeless, and that it was time to give up.  They tried to convince me that it was not chronic pain that made him mean and unemployed, but that I needed to accept the reality of the person I had married and get on with my life without him.  Not that I thought he was perfect, but this was not the person I knew, and I chose to turn to the Lord for help instead.  The road to health and functioning was painfully slow, but eventually he did recover.

Yesterday:  We had a day off of school/work, and decided to repaint and re-carpet an additional bedroom.  After working on the bedroom all day, he went in to work for a few hours, then at 9:30pm, when he got done and had helped put the kids to bed, he got ready to go back and work in the bedroom again.  I had to beg him not to.  He has nasty allergies, and a severe cough.  He had already pushed himself beyond what was considered reasonable or necessary.  The room should be done today anyway.

Conclusion:  According to the “experts” there is no miracle here.  He simply changed his attitude.  Not true.  The pain has subsided, the fatigue is at “normal” levels for someone with seven kids, and the stamina is not only more normal, but his positive attitude frequently pushes him even further.  I guess it is a choice to believe in that miracle or not.  I am especially grateful for the stamina.

Miracle number two is that we still have our family.  You could argue that was ultimately my choice.  True, but I believe most miracles are the result of our choices.  I simply remember being told over and over that the situation was hopeless.  It obviously was not hopeless.  With God, nothing is hopeless.

Social Phobias

 

After 20 years of marriage, I had never heard my mother-in-law sing or play the piano.  I was always told about how talented she was, but she would never perform when people were around.  She blamed it on social phobias.  Last night she both performed numerous pieces for us, and sang a solo!  Never thought I’d see that.  Guess sometimes we just have to wait for the time to be right.