Tag Archive | Pain

My Strong Girl

This entire ordeal my daughter has been stronger than anyone else I know.  If the Lord doesn’t give us trials greater than we can bear, she must be one incredibly strong person.  Even the doctors and nurses can see her strength.

However, I suspect there are times when we are given more than we can handle.  These are the times that teach us to rely only on our Savior, times when no one else can be there for us, times when we have used all of our strength.    Katie has spent weeks in that very state.  I can do nothing for her.  As a parent this is heartbreaking.  It is unrelenting beyond my comprehension.  Although she is constantly supported and cared for by incredible technologies, expert physicians, and powerful medications, even they need to ultimately rely on her own body for healing to occur.

Even within these terrible circumstances, there have been some reassurances of hope.  Hope is a powerful thing.  As we have interacted with the social worker, she has reminded us about how effective the  mind is, with its ability to close down on overload.  The Sunday speaker in the hospital ward also reminded us about what the Savior did when He was here.  He healed the sick.  His ministry was to those who were sick, afflicted, and suffering.  We were reminded that the Savior is still aware of those who are suffering, and that He lives today, and He has a special place in His heart for those in distress and suffering due to the pains of this world.

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Stamina, and Personal Confessions

Background:  The last few years, when my husband was very sick, the thing he lacked the most was stamina.  I remember one family trip he drove for about 30 minutes, then collapsed into a useless heap, asking me to finish the trip myself, and care for all of the children and all of the activities as well.  The doctors ran test after test, and saw no reason for the extreme fatigue, constant pain, and lack of stamina.  He had trouble finishing anything he started.  He became unemployed and unemployable.  Their conclusion was that it was mental.  They ran mental health tests, and concluded he was inventing fictitious health reasons to not want to work, or do anything.  Marriage counselors all concluded that the situation was hopeless, and that it was time to give up.  They tried to convince me that it was not chronic pain that made him mean and unemployed, but that I needed to accept the reality of the person I had married and get on with my life without him.  Not that I thought he was perfect, but this was not the person I knew, and I chose to turn to the Lord for help instead.  The road to health and functioning was painfully slow, but eventually he did recover.

Yesterday:  We had a day off of school/work, and decided to repaint and re-carpet an additional bedroom.  After working on the bedroom all day, he went in to work for a few hours, then at 9:30pm, when he got done and had helped put the kids to bed, he got ready to go back and work in the bedroom again.  I had to beg him not to.  He has nasty allergies, and a severe cough.  He had already pushed himself beyond what was considered reasonable or necessary.  The room should be done today anyway.

Conclusion:  According to the “experts” there is no miracle here.  He simply changed his attitude.  Not true.  The pain has subsided, the fatigue is at “normal” levels for someone with seven kids, and the stamina is not only more normal, but his positive attitude frequently pushes him even further.  I guess it is a choice to believe in that miracle or not.  I am especially grateful for the stamina.

Miracle number two is that we still have our family.  You could argue that was ultimately my choice.  True, but I believe most miracles are the result of our choices.  I simply remember being told over and over that the situation was hopeless.  It obviously was not hopeless.  With God, nothing is hopeless.

A God of Mercy

I’ve had 2 rather shocking stories going through my mind.  I feel to share both today.

Story 1  —  A woman struggled for years with the fact that her father had killed himself.  She struggled with not only the pain of losing him, but with trying to reconcile herself to the fact that this wonderful person, who had done so many wonderful things in his life, had chosen so poorly to end it himself.  He had been sick, but that didn’t justify suicide.

Many years later she herself became seriously ill.  During her illness she couldn’t ever sleep and couldn’t function.  Her mind became stressed with lack of sleep and constant pain.  Only with the help of the doctors and modern hospital equipment was she able to eventually make a full recovery.  As she researched her disease, she found out that it was hereditary, and only in the few years before her episode had doctors really been able to identify and treat it.  Before that, it is suspected many ended up relegated to mental institutions, or dead.  She learned and understood that God was aware of every factor that lead to her father’s decision, and that God would judge in all His wisdom, complete knowledge, and mercy.  The condemnation had never been hers to make.

Story 2  —  Second is a murder story.  It was about a man who had arranged to have his entire family killed.  He arranged for the “hit man” to graze him to divert suspicion from his own involvement.  The plan was carried out and was successful, except his father who eventually recovered.  The story focused on the man who was eventually caught, admitted his involvement, but never showed any remorse or regret.  He had come from a loving family and had no reason to wish any of them dead.  He was given the death sentence.

The true story there should have been the father. At first the father wanted revenge on whoever hurt and killed his family.  However, after some prayer, he experienced a complete change of heart.  He told his son, the only family he had left, that he had chosen to forgive whoever did this to their family.  The son remained silent, positive in his own belief that the sentiment would not apply if the truth ever came out.  Eventually the police were able to piece together the source of the apparently random shooting, and reveal the son’s guilt, but the father remained true to his forgiveness.  He never once sought revenge on his son.  He never stopped loving him.  He visited him regularly in prison and headed up the appeals.  He had already unconditionally forgiven the person who had taken his family from him.

This humble father did what we have all been asked to do, despite his trying circumstances, and turned judgment completely over to God.

Next time I want to judge, I hope to remember that I may not really have the entire picture.  Next time I think it is too hard to forgive someone, and still show love, I’ll remember what unconditional love can really look like.  We are told that God is merciful, and I believe that mercy is one of the powers that creates miracles.